2:58 AM | Author: Lifestyle Master

I bumped into an old school friend last week in my local. I hadn’t seen her in years so I was naturally curious about what she was up to, if she was married or whether she had any gossip. We soon got on to jobs and she told me was a nurse in a London A&E department. I couldn’t help but grimace and she noticed. “I know I know, it can be a nightmare, but there are some funny sides” she said. I couldn’t possibly imagine what she meant so I gave her a look as if to say “do go on”. Forming an amused smile, she gestured for me to sit down.

She told me about a woman who had been brought into A&E with her boyfriend still literally locked inside her. She was wheeled in on a hospital bed still straddling her blushing hubby. The pair had come a cropper during a drug and drink fuelled sex marathon. Her vagina muscles had quite literally locked up due to the mixture of narcotics and he was unable to get out so to speak. She also told me about a couple who had succumbed to their urges on a University campus and had found themselves going at it on a small excavation area on site. Unbeknown to the randy teens, they had been shagging on top of a loose manhole cover which gave way under their weight leaving them to fall 9 feet through a hole. The guy suffered a fractured ankle. They were unable to get out until a passerby spotted them. Although they had managed to zip up before being rescued, the girl had unfortunately left her rabbit vibrator by the side of the hole and it was still buzzing on the ground- a piece of information that one of the paramedic guys took great delight in announcing in the staffroom the next day- Ha!


“That is too funny “I told her, but she wasn’t finished, she took a large sip of rose before beaming another smile of realisation- “oh yeah” she said before telling me about a middle aged man who had been admitted with concussion. Whilst I couldn’t understand why this was funny, I could see she was saving the best for last. It turns out the guy had been head butted by his wife during intercourse and when the paramedics arrived they were greeted by the female pensioner at the door, wearing a full leather gimp costume with what the paramedics had apparently described to her as a Halloween mask! What made this even more surreal was the fact that the masked figure offered them a cup of tea. Apparently she didn’t take the mask off until they reached the hospital.


We laughed so hard for the rest of the night before being interrupted by the chime of the bell and the barman calling for us all to be on our way. It was good seeing her and we swapped numbers. Next time I go to A & E I will certainly keep an eye an out!

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